The Story

by Galina Yanchova

We live in the stories we create. And the challenge, therefore, is to create stories that work for us, instead of against us, strength-based and growth-oriented, instead of victim-based, dis-empowering and shame-based.

The first stories we tell about ourselves referred to greater happiness, health, resilience and motivation to take positive action. But sometimes we experience tragedy or drama in our lives.

Three elements contribute to a strong sense of consistency:

  • Comprehensibility. I understand what has happened (or is going on in my life). My important life stories make sense to me.
  • Manageability. I can cope with what has happened (or is happening) in my life. It’s not easy, but I can summon the internal and external resources I need to manage my life.
  • Meaningfulness. I have grown or learned (or have the potential to) as a result of my experiences. The challenges I face are worth addressing.

For underneath the surface drama of the story and the intentions and motives lies a bigger force which orchestrates events. This belief has the bigger picture and deeper meaning of otherwise meaningless and tragic events and this gives us a sense of purpose, helping us to manage our tribulation. We have a chance, to see the story and be empowered, rather than becoming a victim, and being consumed with hatred and bitterness.

The purpose of a story is much deeper than the mere telling of events. When we look at the painful stories of our past and see how we nevertheless managed, as well as how we were able to transmute suffering into growth, then the stories of our lives can take on new meanings. This awareness then gives us the strength and resilience to deal with the struggles and challenges of our present.

Our challenge is to stop telling stories that keep us stuck in blame. We can write our past in ways that are empowering, and so, we can use our past to inspire our present and future. When we can look back at the events of our past and embrace them for having trained us to be who we are today, then we can begin to be the authors of our own lives.

If you want to rewrite your story and you need help please contact me. Or you can apply for a Life Story Coaching program.

Fundamental needs

By Galina Yanchova

Our most basic need is for physical survival, and this will be the first thing that motivates our behaviour.

What is the one thing that we are reliant on to survive?

This is Oxygen!

Of course, there are many other things we constantly need, however, the most basic of them all, is oxygen. You can survive for a few days without water, food and shelter. But you cannot survive more than a few minutes without oxygen.

If physiological needs such as air, food, drink, shelter, clothing, warmth, sex, sleep are not satisfied, the human body cannot function optimally.

When things get really tough in life, we have this deep urge to cut everything back to the basics.

And when a deficit need has been ‘more or less’ satisfied it will go away, and our activities become habitually directed towards meeting the next set of needs that we have yet to satisfy.

Our emotional wellbeing is also constantly reliant on another form of oxygen. And it is our knowing that we are worthy, that we are invaluable and indispensable.

And so, the clearer we are that our individual existence has a purpose which cannot be fulfilled by another, demonstrating our worthiness, the better we can step into our responsibility in fulfilling this purpose.

A lack of clarity about our worthiness, make us weaker, this affecting our determination, resilience, drive and purpose. It leaves us weak in our performance, affecting our focus, energy and it also leads to all different forms of emotional unhealthiness…

We need awareness!

According to Lewis awareness of the existential self begins as young as two to three months old and arises in part due to the relation the child has with the world. 

In early childhood, the categories children apply to themselves are very concrete as hair colour, height and favourite things. Later, self-description also begins to include a reference to internal psychological traits, comparative evaluations and to how others see them…

Some people think that we live our lives from the outside in. But the truth is that our life starts from the inside out!

As well is the path to seek out awareness of our worthiness. We can seek our worthiness from within or we can seek our worthiness from without. When we seek our worthiness from within and become aware of our value, we become emotionally healthy and strong. When we seek worthiness from without, we depend on the people, things and circumstances around us to tell us that we are worthy and so, we become dependent on them all.

This is very essential: We must feel a sense of worthiness because our emotional survival depends on it!

The more our worthiness comes from a healthy place which is within, the healthier we become.

Now you may ask: Where do I get my self-worth from?

One easy way of seeing where we get our self-worth from is by observing our actions, our words and our thoughts. You can begin with your actions. As: Is more of my life acting or reacting? When I’m part of a group discussion do I put out my opinion or do I react to others opinions? …

Do you live life safely by always living in reaction instead of action, living from without instead of beginning within? Or you live life in the place you are created to be?

Growth does not need to stem from a lack of something, but rather from a desire to grow as a person.

The Thanksgiving

By Galina Yanchova

Recently it was Thanksgiving. I and my family celebrated it, having a rich dinner prepared by me. During the day, each of us had to think about what he/she was grateful for this year and share it during dinner. Of course we have quite a fun time!

You see, Thanksgiving is easier to be said than to be done!

We often look around and wonder why some of the people around us are so ungrateful. Why don’t our children appreciate all that we do for them? Why does our spouse not show gratitude? Why do our co-workers take us for granted?

To understand why the feeling of gratitude is so elusive, we must examine the word for “gratitude”, which also means “to acknowledge,” as in acknowledging that another’s opinion is correct.

Why do these two seemingly distinct ideas, thanksgiving and acknowledgement, share the same word?

Someone somewhere said: The key to being thankful is acknowledging the other’s perspective. To illustrate: a mother does so much for her child, yet does the child really appreciate it? The child may take the mother for granted, thinking that she is just doing what she is supposed to do as a mother. After all, argues the child, isn’t this her job? The only way the child can genuinely feel grateful is if he adopts her perspective if he appreciates all her sacrifices and all the time she lovingly dedicates to him. The same is true of a spouse.  Only when we acknowledge and appreciate the other’s point of view we can we say , “thank you.”

Can we possess the ability to see beyond the obvious, to acknowledge the other’s perspective? Can we experience the pain of others, as well as rejoice in their happiness as if it were our own?

Our perspective is that our life, health and success is due to our independent efforts and that the only one we need to thank is ourselves. But do we really able to be those who live the life ourselves? No, I do not think so, we need each other, we are created to live with other human beings.

Unfortunately, it seems that society has become more and more self-consumed. One of the ways we generate unhappiness is taking goodness for granted and focusing on what we don’t have instead of what we do have.

A sense of entitlement kills gratitude. Remember that many people are far less fortunate than you may be—and are quite happy with what they have. When we understand that everything is a gift, then we escape the trap of an entitlement mentality. Developing an “Attitude of Gratitude,” then we can see and appreciate all of our many blessings.

Let we possess the gift of acknowledgement and therefore, experience genuine thanksgiving.

Emotional intelligence – why it matters

By Galina Yanchova

What is Emotional Intelligence or (EQ)? – Emotional intelligence has been defined as “the ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) refers to the ability to identify and manage your emotions, and the emotions of others. An emotionally intelligent person is highly conscious of their emotional states, both negative and positive. “The emotionally intelligent person is skilled in four areas: identifying emotions, using emotions, understanding emotions, and regulating emotions.” In recent years, EQ has been seen as skills that can be likewise innate and honed.

What are the some emotion in human? – As human beings, our bodies communicate our inner emotions and feelings in ways that can often be easily seen by others, but at other times, are barely visible. On every continent and in every ethnicity, expressions of emotions such as happiness, surprise, anger and fear are universally recognized. We all use our intuition when trying to understand another person’s intentions or needs. We watch the way they walk, and how they stand…

  • Anger – It’s one of our most powerful emotions and it shows just how expressive the human face can be. This face serves as a warning, whether it’s simply to intimidate or to show that a conflict has begun.
  • Fear – Each fear-based facial movement prepares us for a fight-or-flight response.
  • Disgust – The disgust face doesn’t just show our distaste, it also works to protect us.
  • Happiness – Despite the friendly connotation, researchers believe our smiles might have a more sinister origin. Despite the friendly connotation, researchers believe our smiles might have a more sinister origin. Like some primates shown their teeth to assert their dominance. Some researchers believe it is that non-verbal sign that eventually evolved into a smile.
  • Sadness – Sadness is hard to fake, according to researchers.
  • Surprise – The surprise expression might only last a second or two, whether it’s a good or bad surprise, the facial reaction is the same.
  • Contempt – Although the emotion of contempt can overlap with anger and distrust, the facial expression is unique…

What does emotional intelligence look like? – Emotional intelligence is often related the way a person manages their behaviour and emotional state, how they navigate social complexities, and their ability to apply emotional reasoning to thinking and problem-solving. There is a solid research basis from the fields of psychology, neuroscience, and business leadership. There are some fundamental aspects of Emotional intelligence.

  • Self-Awareness – Being self-aware is a key sign that we are emotionally intelligent. This is because a person with a healthy sense of self-awareness understands their strengths and weaknesses, and, most importantly, they recognise how their actions affect others. Most of us are so busy with the daily grind that we rarely take a step back and think about how we’re responding to situations and how we come across.
  • Accept feedback – The other source of self-awareness is recognizing how others respond to us. This is often challenging and we tend to avoid the uncomfortable action of asking others for feedback. Someone with emotional intelligence and self-awareness is also able to accept feedback and constructive criticism and they use it as an opportunity to grow.
  • Self-regulate – A person with high Emotional intelligence is able to manage and regulate their emotions when needed. Where possible they show restraint and control. Self-management is your ability to control your emotions. This component also includes your transparency, adaptability, achievement, and optimism. A key factor is whether you react or respond to situations.
  • Show empathy – Building rapport and maintaining strong relationships comes easily to those with emotional intelligence. They avoid power struggles, hurtful gossiping and commenting and usually enjoy having a strong group of people and a team around them. They have respect for others and a genuine interest in watching them shine.
  • Self-motivated – A person with high Emotional intelligence is self-motivated by passion and their own values. These people are resilient, optimistic and let their inner-ambition guide them through hardship.
  • Relationship Management – Emotions serve an important social and adaptive function, emotional intelligence refers to the capacity to adapt your behaviour within the social context. Developing others, serving as an inspiring leader and catalyst for change, collaborating with a high-performing team, and managing conflict are part of relationship management. You are high on this characteristic if you’re able to work well with diverse groups, even in the face of stress and conflict, If you can create and communicate an inspiring vision and help them to do difficult things…

Why emotional intelligence matter?

Emotions matter and neuroscience have proven that our emotional intelligence is really important to our performance.

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to adapt your behavior in a social context.

Emotional intelligence correlates with our ability to excel in relational environments, such as workplaces, within communities and in our personal lives.

Developing Emotional Intelligence is about Practice

Like any skill, Emotional Intelligence can be developed and it takes practice. Noticing and managing your attitudes, emotions and behaviour in a changing social context is a continual process. Emotional Intelligence is reflected by what a person does in the present moment.

If you’d like to learn more about  contact us here

Who are we supposed to be?

By Galina Yanchova

What could we accomplish if we knew we could not fail?

Eleanor Roosevelt

Self-confidence is an essential part of humanity. A person with self-confidence generally likes themselves, is willing to take risks to achieve their personal and professional goals, and thinks positively about the future.

Someone who lacks self-confidence, however, is less likely to feel that they can achieve their goals, and tends to have a negative perspective about themselves and what they hope to gain in life.

Everyday we are bombarded with advertisement, peer pressure, and the judgement of complete stranger, each telling us how to be better or what kind of person to be…

We are led to believe that the perfection is achieved only when we live a certain kind of life, so if we don’t we feel imperfect and unworthy. But it does not have to be like this. We don’t need to conform to become who we are supposed to be. In fact, who we are meant to be is already inside us.

What we need to do is to reject the media’s messages of perfection and learn to embrace the unique imperfections that makes who we are.

Self-confidence is something you can improve!

Change and growth are always possible when you’re motivated and determined, regardless of your past, your personality, or your self-perception. If you want to be confident, you can be—if you’re willing to take action. And not just one action or a few actions, but repeated actions until fear and doubt no longer have a grip on you. Please contact us if you are serious with yourself and you want to make changes in your life.

Building self-confidence requires you to cultivate a positive attitude about yourself and your social interactions, while also learning to deal with any negative emotions that arise and practising greater self-care.

1.Identify your negative thoughts. – Like:”I can’t do that,” “I will surely fail”, “no one wants to hear what I have to say.” This inner voice is unhelpful and will hold you back from achieving self-confidence.

2. Turn your negative thoughts to positive thoughts. – Like: “I am going to try it,” “I can be successful if I work at it,” or “people will listen to me.”

3. Eliminate reminders of your negativity. – Take the time to sit down and think about all of the things that are bringing you down, from friends, a career you don’t much care for, or a living situation that is almost unbearable.

4. Identify your talents. – Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, and then focus on your talents. Find something you enjoy and cultivate a talent to go with your interest.

You can add a variety of interests or hobbies to your life that will make you more confident.

5 Accept compliments – Take it to heart and respond positively. You can add the compliment to your list of positive attributes about yourself and use it to bolster your self-confidence.

Confidence comes from a Latin word fidere’ which means “to trust”; therefore, having self-confidence is having trust in one’s self. Arrogance or hubris in this comparison is having unmerited confidence – believing something or someone is capable or correct when they are not.

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.

Theodore Roosevelt.

Elevate your life by taking actions!

By Galina Yanchova

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We live on a planet which is a challenging place. There happen so many things around us at the same time.

But you know there’s more to life and you want to access it! You want to create a life you absolutely love.

It really all comes down to your level of perception. It’s all about what you choose to focus on.

You know that there are tools and resources to help you elevate your life and close the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

Elevate is a transitive verb which means to exalt, to lift up and improve morally, intellectually, physically, relationally, financially, culturally…

  •  formal to move someone or something to a more important level or rank, or make them better than before/ SYN raise
  •  technical to lift someone or something to a higher position…

The road to success is rarely straight. Anyone who has achieved success in any area of their life will likely tell you that their journey was not an easy one.

If one day you realize that the life you’re living is not the life you want, don’t beat yourself up about it. Accept where you are, and more importantly, take the responsibility for changing where you want to be.

You cannot change your life overnight, but you can most certainly change the direction of your life!

Someone somewhere said: “I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavour.”

There are so many things that can help you to elevate your life and it is depending on where you are now in your life.

  1. Self-awareness. – For me first and most important is to be aware of yourself because awareness is power.  You may need help to become self-aware, please contact us here to arrange your appointment.
  2. Gratitude. – Practising gratitude in a way that works for you will quickly elevate your life.
  3. Serve others. – Most of us act purely for our own self-interests — which usually means “getting ours” and not caring for what others get. We take advantage of the generous help of others without giving in return. But our world is too complex to go it alone. The only way to build strong relationships is to be there for others. Knowing that sometimes you will give more than you will receive…
  4. Set goals. – By setting goals and then identifying action steps to help you achieve them, you can begin to build the life you want instead of waiting for it to come to you. If you need help starting this process, schedule your consultation with me today!
  5. Reach higher. – Have a much greater impact than you once thought possible. Inspire others through your actions. Minimise suffering.

Never stop learning, and never stop growing.

At times, life gifts you with opportunities to seize, chances for reinvention, and the ability to redesign your future. Will you rise to meet those exciting, new challenges? It’s time to grasp that vision of your very best self!

Don’t let another day slip away without doing one thing that elevates your life and moves you toward your goals.

Take actions today to better your life!

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Building self-control and self-discipline

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By Galina Yanchova

People with high self-control are happier than those without. The study discovered this is true because the self-disciplined subjects were more capable of dealing with goal conflicts.

Self-discipline is the ability you have to control and motivate yourself, stay on track and do what is right.

Self-Control is all about the moment and the individual. Self-control is about inhibiting strong impulses; it is the ability to regulate one’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviour in the face of temptations and impulses.

Self-control is the ability to behave sensibly and calmly even when you feel angry, offended or excited.

Feeling more in control of yourself and your actions can lead to feeling more in control of life, feeling more empowered about who you are, and helping boost your feelings of self-esteem.

  •  Recognize impulsive thoughts. – Start by making a list of the behaviours you’d like to control and the situations that often trigger the behaviour. By recognizing the moments when you get the urge to act impulsively, you’ll be more equipped to create a delay between the urge and action.
  • Try belly breathing. – Take the five minutes of breathing to clear your emotions and mind.
  • Find a distraction. – Must be healthy ones. Read a book, knitted, do something handmade…
  • Have a go activity. – Have an activity. – Actively try to replace the behaviour you want to control with a substantive alternative. By giving yourself more time to take the decision, you can make a clearer, more empowered decision.

Regardless of what many may think, self-discipline is a learned behaviour. It requires practice and repetition in your day-to-day life. Success in life comes from the actions you take on a consistent basis — and only self-discipline allows you to do that.

 

1. Write on paper: your habits and behaviour you want to control. – Remember that you’re only in control of your own behaviour while choosing. Be realistic about what kind of changes you can make that will fit into your life, your time, and your ability. Research the behaviour. Educate yourself as much as you can about how others have built self-control in similar situations.

  1. Take an honest inventory of yourself. – Keep a personal journal, so you individualize your experience in enacting change. Developing awareness about your own emotional triggers that cause impulsivity and lack of self-control will help you recognize the behaviour.
  2. Set realistic goals. – Part of failing with regard to developing self-control is in getting frustrated with yourself for not changing overnight or being able to quit. If you’re building self-control around compulsive eating, for instance, don’t try switching to anything but fruits and vegetables all at once because it’s too dramatic a change…
  3. Remove temptations. – Self-control is often easiest when abiding by the old saying, “out of sight, out of mind.” Removing all temptations and distractions from your environment is a crucial first step when working to improve your self-discipline.joshua-coleman-8V4y-XXT3MQ-unsplash
  4. Eat regularly and healthily. – Hunger makes it difficult to focus on the tasks at hand, not to mention making you grumpy and pessimistic. Eating often regulates your blood sugar levels and improves your decision-making skills and concentration.
  5. Don’t wait for it to “feel right.” – Improving your self-discipline means changing up your normal routine, which can be uncomfortable and awkward. Acknowledge that it will take a while for your new regime to feel right or good or natural, keep changing.
  6. Motivate yourself. – Try to find your inner motivation and journal about it. Maintain clear reasons for yourself why you want to control the behaviour and remind yourself of them continuously.
  7. Mark your progress. – Always remember, the key is progress, not perfection. Keep a calendar specifically dedicated to your efforts.jay-castor-7AcMUSYRZpU-unsplash
  8. Reward yourself. – Rewarding yourself for practising self-control will help reinforce positive behaviours to replace impulsive behaviours. Treat yourself with a fancy massage after a month…
  9. Learn when to seek help. – There are circumstances when a person may need more help than just their willpower.

Here are some suggestions for when to seek professional help and support:

  • If you are struggling with alcohol or other substances
  • If you are engaging in dangerous or addictive sexual behaviours.
  • If you find yourself repeatedly engaged in abusive or dangerous relationships.
  • If you are trying to control your anger, or are raging outbursts, and have hurt yourself or someone else in the process…

11. Forgive yourself and move forward. – Instituting a new way of thinking won’t always go according to plan. You will have ups and downs, fabulous successes, and flat out failures. The key is to keep moving forward. When you have a setback, acknowledge what caused it and move on. It is easy to get wrapped up in guilt, anger, or frustration, but these emotions will not help build improve self-discipline. Instead, forgive yourself, and get back on the track.

If you need help even in small start please consult with me.

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